The Bug Feeling

(A first draft since Sitara's dialogue needs more characterization to it...)

Sitara: Hi! Nuli-nuli! You’ve been a busy bee, how’s life going?

Anuli: I’m…alive. And I’m not a bee… unfortunately.

Sitara: Ah yes that’s true.. Very good job! At the… living parts. It’s hard sometimes! So you’re doing very very very well. Er, but how are you doing?

Anuli: … emotionally?

Sitara: Typically that’s what fairies mean by ‘how are you doing?’

Anuli: Sorry… like a squished bug.

Sitara: … a what. 

Anuli: The squished bug feeling. The one where your insides clump around your still twitching legs, as if they think they’re still on their  way to their next leaf while your body drips off of the current one. If only they could reach another leaf, they would have reformed their body on food alone. But alas, the mouth burbles beneath its own blood. The legs still twitch. 

Sitara: … a what. 

Anuli: The bug feeling! I - plot holes and darling murders - like your insides start glooping and you feel all melty-like, dripping off your bones, right?

Sitara:...um. I’m fairly sure my flesh is still attached to my body. Well, my rotting body… it should still be attached. …Here I have my flesh still attached to my body.

Anuli: But metaphorically it drips off. 

Sitara: …. Sure?

Anuli: And your head… mmm how to describe it. It’s expanding too fast, can’t hold itself together, and you exist in the cracked space in between, where the air is too thin. 

Sitara: Ohhh so like a headache. 

Anuli: No, no, it’s like… a little voice, yours, the one closest to speaking as you, tries to pull the drifting pieces of your skull back together, to claw its way out of your melting body. Like sunflo- er… the ‘you voice’ that needs something to hold onto, it’s trying to pull everything back together. 

Sitara: So a headache while you want to do something else? Yeah those are annoyi-

Anuli: no, no. You’re yelling at yourself. The ‘you’ is drowning and drifting, its eyes clouded with coagulated blood. The ‘something’ that would fix your broken world, it could be anything. Picking flowers. Watching the clouds. Weaving a windchime. Telling a story. Walking along moss covered pebbles. 

But the voice wasted its energy trying to keep its head about the melting, it only has enough energy for one, perfect thing. The ‘aha’ moment to fix the string of side quests that never end. But there’s too many options. Too many wrong choices. Spinning. You drift apart. Everything all at once and then you EXPLODE.

Sitara: … I don’t think I ever - unless you’re talking about… no. Maybe? How often do you feel like this?

Anuli: It characterizes my existence. 

Sitara: So a lot or…?

Anuli: Now, the next moment, all the moments. 

Sitara: oh. 

Anuli: …

Sitara: Which pixie did you partner with?

Anuli: I named faer ‘blumbee’, ‘bumblee’, and ‘Silly Silly’

Sitara: … the one with its own collection? That pixie?

Anuli: Multiple collections! It's practically its own archive! Fae’s a ‘conessuior of preservation and knowledge!’ 

Sitara: You call one of the most feared and ridiculed pixies in the archives ‘Silly Silly?’

Anuli: And ‘Blumbee’ and ‘Bumblee.’ 

Sitara: Ha.. hahaha. By the stars and fates. You’re definitely doing something right, silly. 

Anuli: … 

Sitara: What if we ask for faer to take a look at… your whole situation? Just a little bit. Nothing invasive. 

Anuli: Oh! Yes, fae’s seen the ‘whole situation’. My thoughts are all jumbled together so it likes sorting through them for me. 

Sitara: …. Anuli what. 

Anuli: It tickles like fireflies walking inside my skull. 

Sitara: … And you’re okay?

Anuli: My foot’s a little sore-

Sitara: No, no, you’re memories, your personality, they’re okay?

Anuli: Mostly. 

Sitara:... Anuli how much-

Anuli: Nothing’s wrong! Other than the bug feeling… I even have the fuzz of the clouds memory back! 

Sitara:...

Anuli: And the rest I asked for. 

Sitara: You did… what?

Anuli: We traded! Everyone here trades! 

Sitara: No! No, You’re not supposed to trade with pixies! Never never that’s the first rule of this place - the moment you’ve traded they’ll… 

Anuli:sorry. 

Sitara: No wonder you haven’t… Fates above, Anuli. 

Anuli: sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry